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Sunday, November 5th, 2006
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(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)
| ✓ I miss somebody right now. |
✓ I don't watch much TV these days. (only before I go to bed.) |
✓ I own lots of books. (I wish I owned more, but the library is good for that..saves me money.) |
| ✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. (Only when I feel like it.) |
× I love to play video games. |
✓ I've tried marijuana. (Umm...yeah, no thanks. Been there done that...my mistake.) |
| ✓ I've watched porn movies. (Ha! "Riding the Baloney Pony") |
× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. |
✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (Unless of course you can save your ass and not get caught ;)) |
| ✓ I curse sometimes. (Not sometimes a lot of times.) |
✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (Oh for sure, I'm more confident and much more level headed.) |
× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. |
( it goes on... )
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
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Take pictures everywhere, so time can stand still on paper.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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I wish missing you wasn't so hard...
53 days...
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
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| Time: | 10:40 pm. |
| Mood: |  gloomy. | | Music: | Daniel Powter - You had a bad day. |
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It's been a long week...yes, I know it's only Tuesday.
I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps...I'll snap out of it soon.
I know that nobody really agrees with it, but I love him and I always have. I may talk crap but he understands me. I miss him. He's in a safe place and clean place. I know things will be okay one day and that's all that counts.
I hate my 2nd job...TOO MUCH DRAMA!!!!
My first jobs rocks...
We are offically Chase Bank, we had a dj, popcorn, hot dogs and cake on Monday to celebrate. It gave me something to smile about. Although my old man stalker came in and I hid from him again. He's to old and doesn't even have that much money. My boss there is the best, she cracks me up. We passed our Audit with a Satisfactory!!
Anyway, off to write a letter and then to bed for this girl.
-Until later-
Rach...
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
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| Time: | 9:30 pm. |
| Mood: |  bored. |
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Somedays I just feel like I don't belong where I am. My life is just spinning in 360's around me and I'm just trying to catch up. Is this the right path for me. Where am I supposed to be next. Should I go left or right. I just wish it was easy, but I don't want to spend my life wishing.
Why I did I have to be so stupid, to let myself believe that he could really love me. He doesn't even love himself. So how do I pick up the pieces when everywhere I turn it reminds me of him and how much I loved him. How am I supposed to pretend this is easy for me? When it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I let myself become what he wanted me to be and not myself. Now, I feel like I've lost sight of who I really am, and what I really want. So now it seems like when I want something I doubt myself. I don't trust my heart anymore.
I let my guard down on Saturday and maybe it had to do with the alcohol, but I had a good time. Although, it didn't all work out the way I wanted it to. I need to be honest with you, but I don't want to get hurt and rejected. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment.
There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it doesn't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every start,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, December 25th, 2005
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| Time: | 8:40 pm. |
| Mood: | disappointed. |
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The one thing I want for Christmas is forbidden.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 23rd, 2005
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All I did for you for 2 whole years and I get this...You are sad!
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
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| Time: | 8:33 am. |
| Mood: |  exhausted. |
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It's been a long time since I have written in here...
I really want to move out of my house by the end of this year and get my own place. I need to be on my own and independent for once, I don't like when I have my parents breathing down my back constantly. I'm 21 years old and I still have a curfew and I'm not allowed to stay anywhere overnight...although I can get away with just about whatever I want, if I want it bad enough.
I realized lately that at this time of the year EVERY year is when I start to feel depressed and edgy. It's been this way for years starting back my junior year of high school. I know that it's the change in season, but when I see everything beautiful around me slowly die...
I got an interesting call from my ex Jim Friday and last night...He wants to talk and wants to see me. I don't mind talking to him, but I think that if I ever did see me he would expect more than just a friendly meeting. No Thank you, I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now and I'm not interested in that.
Should I just avoid his phone calls? I don't know?
Anyway, I'm off to go to the store with Katie and Jerry...
Later, Rachelle
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Monday, January 17th, 2005
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Pieces of Me by Ashlee Simpson |
"Fall, with you I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath
I hope it lasts"
In 2004 you fell in love. Let's hope it lasts.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
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Saturday, December 4th, 2004
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I just realized that I haven't updated since September, mainly because of lack of comments.
I keep busy...keeps me out of trouble.
I have two new baby cousins...Jenna Nicole and Payton Walter...I love babies.
Work is going great...they can't live without me.
I'm in so in love...crazy in love.
This cold weather isn't much fun...but cuddling to keep warm is.
I love how I can see forever in your eyes...even when you sleep.
Kristan I think about you...keep warm up there.
Two worlds collide...magical things happen.
I was sick...you didn't know how to help...it killed you.
One small thing in my life will change...then perfection.
My life is back to being good again...
Clay just randomly came on...I missed him.
The past has been on my mind lately...I'm glad it's not the present.
I'm waiting for those words...you know you want to.
Thanksgiving was a blast...a feast, football and watching you play with the horses.
Started Christmas shopping spent a lot of money...it was depressing.
Close my eyes and think, what do I think of...you and how strong the love I feel for you is. There is something about us no one will ever understand. That's okay because we know what it is.
I have a lot of random thoughts.
Waiting for Jerry to get off work, always seems like years and years.
Anyway, I'm going to go and relax for about 10 minutes and then get going...later
Rachelle
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 24th, 2004
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I had quite a night last night...but it's better thanks to a lot of tears, snot, tissues and Patti.
Kristan, I needed you here in Michigan last night more than anything and I just couldn't call you because all I wanted to was cry on your shoulder...I miss you so much girl...it's killing me!
I started my class last night...but my very cute prof just had surgery and the tubes they put in his throat so it prevented him from talking and he dismissed class 10 minutes into it...awesome!
So after my vacation (at least that's what I like to call it) from work...I started back again on Monday and it's just been one heck of a week because their Mom wants me to be more strict and I haven't really figured out the best way to deal with it yet and all I do is get angry when they don't listen...and I need to stop getting angry.
Katie hit me this morning because I wouldn't let her have chips for breakfast...ugh!
I really want to do something fun tonight...any ideas?
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, August 29th, 2004
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Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
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Thursday, August 19th, 2004
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It's been over a month since I acutally updated....
I got a new car last month...since I blew up my old one...oops! My new car is a prety blue-green color. It's a 1994 Pontiac Bonneville...it's 10 yrs old but looks and drives like brand new. I love her.
Jerry and I went to the cottage in Ipperwash Beach, Canada for a few days, with my family. We had the greatest time. I got completely wasted by the campfire and my aunt kept telling me I was the cutest drunk she's ever seen. Singing campfire songs and playing silly drunk games...life doesn't get much better.
Didn't do to many out of the ordinary things after that. I did get a dozen red roses last monday...for no reason. They were the most beautiful roses, I've ever seen. @-->---
I love you so much! Thank you for being there to make me smile when I'm sad, making me laugh when I am mad, and all the little things you do.
St. Louis in 14 Days!
"You're even more beautiful with my glasses on"
You're a funny funny boy...
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, July 17th, 2004
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| Time: | 6:57 pm. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. | | Music: | Back at One - Brian McKnight. |
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This vacation is just what I needed for myself. I was able to take a step back and look at things the way I should, clear minded. For the longest time I've been struggling and trying to find my way, but it all seems so clear now. It is not going to be easy, but it'll be well worth it in the end. I'm ready to grow up and focus on life. I'll always remember the past, but that's not what I want in the long the run. It's okay that you don't understand or don't want to understand. For once I'm going to be selfish and o things the way I want and follow my heart. I feel I am the richest girl, I have amazing friends far and near, a boyfriend who cares about me more than you could ever imagine.
You.
They.
They make me chose.
You let me decide.
You help me grow.
They keep me young.
They make me weak.
You make me strong.
I'm ready to grow.
Not ready to chose.
Not afraid of loving.
You make me want things that I never wanted before, do things I've never been able to do.
Camping,
fishing,
laughing,
freezing,
flower picking,
raining,
roasting,
hiking,
forgetting,
turtle catching,
relaxing,
tanning,
frog catching,
cruising,
snoozing,
walking,
talking,
hugging,
snuggling,
kissing,
wishing,
dreaming,
planning,
growing...
loving you is the best thing I've ever done
History shouldn't make me decide...it should understand.
Steph, it was good to see you and catch up...let's not let it go 2 monthes this time.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 8:10 pm. |
| Mood: |  anxious. | | Music: | Don't Let Go. |
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I'm leaving to go camping in about 30 minutes and after the week I've had it's well needed. It's not like my world came crashing down around me, but it's the fact that I made a huge change in my lifestyle this week. Trying to deal with that was just stress enough. Let's see, I've tried to block most of the negative out of my mind. On Thursday my car blew up...so now I have no car and no money to a buy a new one. So then I had no way to go camping unless Jerry and I wanted to walk...luckily my boss' are the shit and they let me borrow thier Durango for the week while they are in New York. Oh, and I got paid for my week off which is always good. Although all the money I had was spent within 3 days on this camping trip and my outrageous cell phone bill. Last night was fun except for when I was getting bitched at. I got hit on by a group of like 15-20 black men standing on the corner. Met a really cool black dude named Jon...he was making fun of how slow I was driving but then I busted through a red and that scored brownie points. I didn't get to bed until 6 am last night. I think I'm just kinda rambling on right now. I don't even think it makes sense to me really.
Oh, I just spent 2 hours packing the car for our camping trip by myself...I swear, if I forgot something I'm gonna be pissed. If I get sassed for my packing skills it'll be on. Hopefully everything goes smoothly. Anyway...I'm out.
Happy 4th of July!!
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God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that I pray is that me feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long
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rachelle1342's journal
thoughtful.